"Hey..... I'm backing
away. I can't get out of this conversation. He's doing all the talking and
it's all about himself. If I pull away, I'll appear impolite and hurt his
feelings. He's setting me up to reject him. He's not interested in me or
anybody else. He just keeps going on and on about himself and his life and
his accomplishments. Is he trying to impress me and appear to be somebody
Have you ever had
these kinds of feelings and thoughts when you were locked into a
conversation with someone? This type of conversation is not very appealing
or attractive. In fact it actually detracts and devalues the message
sender. The paradox is that his egocentric conversation is having the
opposite effect of what his attention seeking ego is attempting.
Now, let's stop for a
second and think about this. Am I being set up to reject this person on the
basis of his ineffective conversational skills? It seems very tempting and
I am inclined to dismiss this person as someone who only cares about
himself and his accomplishments. Are his self advertising attempts working
on me? The answer is simple and contradictory... yes and no. The ego
centered conversationalist is a universe of valuable information at times.
At other times his self-centeredness is an absolute turn off and a distancer.
The egocentric person
has several unconscious motives. The first motive is an attempt to try to
be helpful. The second and most debilitating is his proclivity for
non-democratic, unequal there and then verses here and now conversation.
Question: What does this say about the
personality of such a person?
Answer: The paradox is the
good-natured, kindhearted altruistic side is countered by the
authoritarian/autocratic nature of this disorder. Narcissism is
characterized by excessive there and then/non-present self-centered
conversation. Being in the "now" with another person is difficult
with ego centered people. They are always shifting the conversation around
to themselves and to their past experiences, which they use as the main frame
of reference for evaluating reality. They have difficulty empathically
tapping into the reality and perceptions of other people. This gives them
the appearance of being non-caring and overly self-centered.
Question: I have encountered some very
physically attractive people who eventually turn me off when they open
their mouths and start talking. What's that all about?
Answer: Emotional and social skills
are very powerful areas of examination. You can have a very high
intelligence quotient and a very low social and emotional IQ. These various
areas of intelligence can be enhanced and acquired. For example, a person
with a very high emotional IQ is very much in touch with and benefits
greatly from his emotional intelligence concerning himself and others.
individuals have very high and productive social IQ's and appear to be
amazing in their ability to relate to other people. We can actually measure
these social and emotional IQ's. Self centered egotistic individuals seem
to be locked in to what I call the third chakra energy system, which is
located in the power center of the lower chest. Individuals who have
accessed and done much work on themselves in the various chakra
centers, have broadened and expanded their emotional, social, intellectual,
spiritual, and technical skills.
Question: It seems as if a scholastic
and academic genius could be stupid and dumb emotionally and socially.
Answer: You just made a statement and
it is also a question. The answer is, "Absolutely." The good news
is: change and transformation is available and possible, if one is willing
to work at it. A self centered conversationalist will not change unless
they have the capacity for the observing ego to inform the person that
there needs to be emotional and social change. There is very little
possibility for change unless there is an acknowledgment that something
Question: Can you give me a quick
example of how emotional and social growth can make great changes in one's
Answer: One quick example: After
enough emotional and social education and growth, one would be able to make
better mate and life choices; thus improving and enhancing the quality of
one's existence. Abraham Maslow postulated the
system of self actualizing people. These people have had extraordinary peak
experiences in their lives, which have made huge emotional and social
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