PsychotherapyHELP Newsletter   

by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC 




"Am I capable of being loved totally, completely and unconditionally?"

"For that matter, am I capable of loving completely, totally and unconditionally with all of my heart, soul mind and might?"



These are questions that you may want to ask yourself and if you are brave enough, you might want to ask that of someone that you are deeply in love with. This is a conversation that has to take place.

We have no measuring stick to quantify the degrees of love from zero to infinity. So you will have to ascertain your present capacity for loving and being loved. If you are having trouble and difficulty in your primary relationship, it may be due to the fact that you may not be loving enough or are being loved enough.

So how do we determine what is the absolute for attaining the supreme sense of love? You will need to dig inside of yourself and ask your self that question.

We are commanded through the prophet Moses to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind, strength and soul. We are then commanded to love our neighbor as ourselves. Think for a moment about this concept, this idea, this secret hidden message.

This message coming from divine sources is encouraging us and even telling us that we are capable of infinite limitless love. So, how come there is so much suffering in relationships and the world in general. What went wrong?

Somewhere along the way, we as a people have lost the high way. But, the good news is that in one way or another, we will be reminded that it is necessary to dig deep into our souls and explore the infinite universe of love. As that challenge grips your soul, you will be put into a position of questioning your capacity to be loved and to be loving in return. When you reach that absolute space of total unconditional, compassionate and passionate love, you will be ready for the consummate cosmic soul mate experience.

Question: I believe that my wife has borderline personality disorder and I am trying to get her to go to treatment. What do you suggest?

Answer: If you look at it from the angle of absolute unconditional love, you will need to ask yourself if you are capable of and deserving to be loved absolutely, faithfully and without limits. If you are not capable of loving to that extent, your partner will feel the pangs of being completely unlovable and she will seek what she never fully received from her parents and believes she is incapable of getting it from you. The presence of disorder in your relationship is a powerful signal that your relationship has gone astray and the two of you are heading in different directions. You can bet that the extreme need for love is at the bottom line of this disorder in your marriage. However, you are on a journey and hopefully you will learn, explore and experience the deepest and highest realms of love. It's all there and out there waiting for you to do the necessary work.

Question: Dr. Paul, have you experienced and do you have this?

Answer: Yes, How else would I be able to talk about it!?


Thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy our newsletter. Please feel free to explore my web site at PsychotherapyHELP at You find articles to download, information on therapy, and links to a myriad of resources.


Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC 



voice: 818-882-7404