PsychotherapyHELP NEWS

by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC



The Generous Heart

Do you have a generous heart? Most of you will answer, "Yes! I definitely do."

Certainly, that pronouncement is open to the evaluation and judgment of others. How do they perceive you? Do they see you as having a generous heart?

Make a small list of whom you are absolutely sure that they possess a generous, giving heart and soul. When I performed this assignment, I immediately thought of three people. I could feel, smell and taste that inside of them there was an enormous generous giving nature.

However, these people were not exactly fault free. Then again, no human being is ever perfect. But, this generous giving heart seemed to be a characteristic that represented their approach to the world. Even though just being human disqualified them from being perfect.

When I began this examination, I noticed that other people who were not included on my list were hampered and limited by the excessive need to have their egos fed. So, what was the Catch-22? These individuals have/had a desire to give and share as long as there was a sufficient amount of ego breast-feeding from others. Yes, they wanted to give. But, they're giving was based on a hook -- a condition that they would have their ego fed by others.

Here's the problem: The individuals that had a conditional giving nature, would become quite disturbed if others didn't jump and conform to their adult breast feeding schedule and demand.

So, where does the problem lie? Was there some kind of deficit in early childhood breast-feeding experiences with the mother? Or was there early childhood deprivations based on not receiving enough love and confirmation from daddy figures? Probably both and more!

Injuries of one sort of another from childhood certainly play a part in the development of what type of generous heart a person develops. Deprivations lead to deficits in the power of giving and sharing. Loving people are an absolute prerequisite for a loving world.

So, why do I raise this issue? The answer lies in the deep feeling and the spiritual recovery of the pains that are deeply buried. The resolution of these pains and early deprivations leads to the possibility of a complete opening to the generous heart; a heart that is not overburdened by unsatisfied ego needs.

Is there a spiritual solution also? Without a doubt! With sufficient spiritual training and transformation, a mind can be completely renewed and a rebirth takes place. Dysfunctional types of conditional love and generosity can be transcended by the renewal of mind aimed towards absolute unconditional love. It can be personified by the Jewish Christian phenomena encapsulated in the Adonai/ Christ/Savior/Messiah spirit. This spirit emanated from the divine source can be fully received by the individual, who then brings that primordial light to the world in the form of unconditional, deep and transcendent love.

So what were the result of my own self examination? I certainly have been flawed by what can be called the "Chez Vous," phenomena -- the sense that things should, must, ought to be done my way instead of Yahweh. Over the years, I have been humbled by my inabilities and my dependence on the abilities and generosities of loving "others. They have filled the gaps in me and allowed me to bathe in their love and generosity. I, also, am aware of what they have received from me and they don't even have to mention it. I know I have given my all and if God is my witness, He will allow me to have the opportunity and privilege to give a lot more. And believe me, I have a lot more to give.

What about you?

Some Key Concepts to remember: Never quit. Transcend ... Transform ... Resolve. Develop Strategies. Healing. Cure. Higher order. Relationship. Family. Joy. Happiness. Success. Primal abundance. Go beyond all beyondness and boundaries. Soar.

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Learn more about Mood and Personality Disorders ...

Questions? Have a problem or subject that you would like me to feature in an upcoming newsletter? Then, contact me directly at Since it is difficult during therapy and coaching hours to answer questions by telephone, email works out best. So, keep those questions coming ...


Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.