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Question: What is a detractor?
Answer: A detractor is a person who
for some unconscious reason and motivation, feels compelled to
minimize, subtract, take away, and ignore another person's value and
contributions.
A detractor is notorious for
giving only negative feedback (especially in a positive or neutral
situation) and thereby distorts a situation and can't see the truth.
Reality is lost and detraction is usually the underlying psychological
device of someone who needs to project a positive persona.
The world is made up of plus
and minuses. A good balance to a personality,
is the integration of opposites. If someone tips the scales of balance
and tries to project only a positive image, that façade will eventually
crack and disintegrate; only to ultimately reveal the negative side of
the personality. The trick is not to be fooled by what you see when
someone keeps putting out how wonderful and positive they are. That
device will eventually wear thin and flip to the other side and you
will see the more real, revealing side of the personality.
Question: How does the
detractor affect someone?
Answer: In a nutshell, the detractor
can pull you down, darken your mood and eventually you'll start getting
defensive. The best defense against a detractor is to accept your own
disagreement with the detraction. You will have to vigorously reconfirm
your own solid evidence for your value and the contribution that you
make. A detractor can pull you down and make it very difficult for you
to work cooperatively with such a person who uses this device.
Another aspect of detraction
is the tendency to focus on one small aspect of a larger picture
and ignore the total picture. The detractor sees only what s/he wants
to see for some self-serving reason. Because of that tendency, reality
is lost.
Question: What type of
situations and personality types reflect aspects of a detractor?
Answer: Some type of internal stress
or distress creates a chemical situation that triggers detraction.
Detraction is a reflection of an inner mood. The social facade begins
to crack, a regression takes place and slippage to a lower level of
functioning becomes apparent. In such a situation, a formerly healthy person, may show signs of emotional, personality and
mental disorder. This can either become a temporary or a more pervasive
pattern. If it is temporary, it will pass. If it is pervasive it can
becomes more permanent and destructive. Detraction is a distancer. It is meant to create space and distance
between individuals. It's a flight into safety. When reality becomes
too much, people will regress into more primitive forms of behavior.
The antidote is to expunge the pain.
Question: How can I take care
of myself when I am hit by a detractor?
Answer: Take care of yourself and
focus your efforts on healing yourself from the inside out. Forget
about challenging and confronting the detractor, especially if they are
locked into minimizing, distorting, denigrating who you are and what
you contribute. Don't buy into their perceptions, interpretations,
accusations and other obvious distortions of reality. Check your
perceptions with other people whom you trust, but only if they are
healthy and clear themselves.
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