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In
your life, you are faced with the challenge of experiencing separation,
individuation and/or unification. What does this mean? In all of nature
and personal evolution there is a phenomena of
division, separation, unification and reintegration. When you were
born, you separated yourself from the inutero
environment. When your parents had sex, you separated from your father
and united with your mother through fertilization. Each experience was
marked by challenge, trauma, exhilaration and ultimate growth. When you
learned how to walk, you sought independence from your mother's
watchful eye. She scanned your environment to see if your first steps
towards independence would lead you into safety or danger. You didn't
know.
But,
you were curious and the discoverer inside of you could not be stopped.
From that experience, alone, you carried with you the repressed
memories of being thwarted, stopped and frustrated from moving forward.
Later in life, any frustrating experience could have reignited those
earlier feelings of wanting to move forward, step out and discover new
horizons. You were monstrously, passionately driven by curiosity. But,
your parents out of love, needed to control you in order to keep you
safe.
Each
attempt from others to control your movements, created some sense of
frustration. Your caretakers tried to protect you from danger. But,
discovery, growth, separation and individuation is
always fraught with danger, exhilaration, excitement and potential
growth and transformation.
Throughout
your life, every time you encountered a new and challenging growth
experience, you met it with apprehension, fear and some sense of the
unknown. But,
nothing could stop you. Sometimes, you suffered from your own
resistance and the resistance of others. But, division, separation, and
individuation led to new alliances, unifications and growth. Sometimes,
a brand-new leap into the unknown creates a division that causes
brother to be against brother, daughters to be against parents, wives
against husbands etc. etc. You were taught that divorce and
separation were bad. You were also taught that marriage was a
sacrament, a holy contract. That's just one example.
History
is filled and replete with separations, individuations and unifications
into new forms. The Jews separated themselves from the pagans. The
Christians separated themselves from the Jews. The Muslims separated
themselves from the Jews and the Christians. Throughout history, these
and many other movements have tried to create unifications and
alliances. Sometimes, bitter enemies were the outcome. Democrats
separate themselves from Republicans. Independents separate themselves
from Democrats and Republicans. The list goes on and on. Evolution is
always about separation/individuation as people move out of there
birthplaces and migrate to new territories; leaving others behind and
combining with new groups.
Unification
and separation is a part of reality. When you separate from someone that you have
loved deeply, the pain can be excruciating. It can also be liberating.
Freedom is a highly valued state for anyone who feels trapped in a
distressing situation. The creative urge drives you to separate
yourself from elements of your past. Growth pains are like birth pains.
The contractions are distressing, but necessary. Love can turn to hate
and former friends and lovers can become bitter adversaries and rivals.
Competition is a given and can be quite destructive or growth facilitative.
There
is always great opportunity in any separation - individuation -
reintegration -unification experience. Depression and loss can lead
to great love, growth and gain.
Wherever
you are in your life at this very moment, you are faced with the challenge
of moving forward. Only you know what you are going through. It is a struggle and
a challenge to growth. No matter what age you are, there is always
something ahead of you that you are reaching out to grab. There are
fears, doubts, resistances and obstacles that sometimes seem
insurmountable. But that curious little child in you can only be
stopped for a little while. Your human nature realizes that the
status quo, although it creates equilibrium, never fully
satisfies your driven curiosity to conquer and explore new worlds and
realities. Let me give you an example: Frank is trying to separate
himself from a very painful marriage. He hates his estranged wife. He
wishes that he had never met her. But, they have a young child together
to whom he is deeply emotionally attached. Therefore, he finds himself
in the battle of his life to not only separate himself from a bad
marriage, but to keep some kind of emotional unification going with his
beloved child. On the one hand, he is driven to move on and discover
new frontiers and more rewarding relationships. On the other hand, he
feels he is being pulled back into a disastrous relationship with his
estranged wife and the hook is the child of procreation. In order for
Frank to discover all of himself requires an
in-depth therapeutic investigation into the very nature of his being.
In the process, he rediscovers all the broken attachments,
disappointments and losses that have contributed to his present
struggle. Therapy offers him the opportunity to free himself from the
emotional hooks of the past and the disastrous consequences of an
unfulfilling marriage.
So,
what is the opportunity that is hidden in this brief description of a
very complicated issue? Successful therapy and counseling are able to
take Frank through every aspect of himself that is unresolved. He is,
in essence, freeing himself from himself. He is individuating and
separating out his true essence from the traps of the past. Each new
discovery in therapy unlocks deeply buried pain and frees up the
clutter of a mind that produces rage, apathy and depression. He
suffers. Yet, he grows and with each new step there is more
individuation, freedom and release from the prisons of the past. Is
there a fast cure? Not in Frank's case! But, there is the possibility
for total transformation and liberation from the old self.
Does
he have a future? You bet he does! In the process, he will discover a vast
universe of new skills, wisdom and insights. He will form a new
relationship with himself, his estranged wife, his
child and future individuals who will come into his life either for
good or evil. Who he is now is not who he will be in the very near future.How about you? Where are you now
at this very moment?
Are
you locked into a situation that you passionately desire to leap out of
and enter a new universe of existence? The world that you are in
now is beginning to collide with a New World,
which will create a whole new world. That is the way of life and
creation. The world that you came from is different than the world that
you exist in right now. You may reminisce and think about the
magnificent worlds of the past. But, those worlds have led you to where
you are now. Are you ready and willing to enter a whole new world that
is beyond your present comprehension and knowing?
Are
you ready to leap into the unknown? Scary isn't it? But it is
absolutely essential!
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