PsychotherapyHELP NEWS

by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC



To Separate, Divide or Unite: That is the Question!

In your life, you are faced with the challenge of experiencing separation, individuation and/or unification. What does this mean? In all of nature and personal evolution there is a phenomena of division, separation, unification and reintegration. When you were born, you separated yourself from the inutero environment. When your parents had sex, you separated from your father and united with your mother through fertilization. Each experience was marked by challenge, trauma, exhilaration and ultimate growth. When you learned how to walk, you sought independence from your mother's watchful eye. She scanned your environment to see if your first steps towards independence would lead you into safety or danger. You didn't know.


But, you were curious and the discoverer inside of you could not be stopped. From that experience, alone, you carried with you the repressed memories of being thwarted, stopped and frustrated from moving forward. Later in life, any frustrating experience could have reignited those earlier feelings of wanting to move forward, step out and discover new horizons. You were monstrously, passionately driven by curiosity. But, your parents out of love, needed to control you in order to keep you safe.


Each attempt from others to control your movements, created some sense of frustration. Your caretakers tried to protect you from danger. But, discovery, growth, separation and individuation is always fraught with danger, exhilaration, excitement and potential growth and transformation.


Throughout your life, every time you encountered a new and challenging growth experience, you met it with apprehension, fear and some sense of the unknown. But, nothing could stop you. Sometimes, you suffered from your own resistance and the resistance of others. But, division, separation, and individuation led to new alliances, unifications and growth. Sometimes, a brand-new leap into the unknown creates a division that causes brother to be against brother, daughters to be against parents, wives against husbands etc. etc. You were taught that divorce and separation were bad. You were also taught that marriage was a sacrament, a holy contract. That's just one example.


History is filled and replete with separations, individuations and unifications into new forms. The Jews separated themselves from the pagans. The Christians separated themselves from the Jews. The Muslims separated themselves from the Jews and the Christians. Throughout history, these and many other movements have tried to create unifications and alliances. Sometimes, bitter enemies were the outcome. Democrats separate themselves from Republicans. Independents separate themselves from Democrats and Republicans. The list goes on and on. Evolution is always about separation/individuation as people move out of there birthplaces and migrate to new territories; leaving others behind and combining with new groups.


Unification and separation is a part of reality. When you separate from someone that you have loved deeply, the pain can be excruciating. It can also be liberating. Freedom is a highly valued state for anyone who feels trapped in a distressing situation. The creative urge drives you to separate yourself from elements of your past. Growth pains are like birth pains. The contractions are distressing, but necessary. Love can turn to hate and former friends and lovers can become bitter adversaries and rivals. Competition is a given and can be quite destructive or growth facilitative.


There is always great opportunity in any separation - individuation - reintegration -unification experience. Depression and loss can lead to great love, growth and gain.


Wherever you are in your life at this very moment, you are faced with the challenge of moving forward. Only you know what you are going through. It is a struggle and a challenge to growth. No matter what age you are, there is always something ahead of you that you are reaching out to grab. There are fears, doubts, resistances and obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable. But that curious little child in you can only be stopped for a little while. Your human nature realizes that the status quo, although it creates equilibrium, never fully satisfies your driven curiosity to conquer and explore new worlds and realities. Let me give you an example: Frank is trying to separate himself from a very painful marriage. He hates his estranged wife. He wishes that he had never met her. But, they have a young child together to whom he is deeply emotionally attached. Therefore, he finds himself in the battle of his life to not only separate himself from a bad marriage, but to keep some kind of emotional unification going with his beloved child. On the one hand, he is driven to move on and discover new frontiers and more rewarding relationships. On the other hand, he feels he is being pulled back into a disastrous relationship with his estranged wife and the hook is the child of procreation. In order for Frank to discover all of himself requires an in-depth therapeutic investigation into the very nature of his being. In the process, he rediscovers all the broken attachments, disappointments and losses that have contributed to his present struggle. Therapy offers him the opportunity to free himself from the emotional hooks of the past and the disastrous consequences of an unfulfilling marriage.


So, what is the opportunity that is hidden in this brief description of a very complicated issue? Successful therapy and counseling are able to take Frank through every aspect of himself that is unresolved. He is, in essence, freeing himself from himself. He is individuating and separating out his true essence from the traps of the past. Each new discovery in therapy unlocks deeply buried pain and frees up the clutter of a mind that produces rage, apathy and depression. He suffers. Yet, he grows and with each new step there is more individuation, freedom and release from the prisons of the past. Is there a fast cure? Not in Frank's case! But, there is the possibility for total transformation and liberation from the old self.


Does he have a future? You bet he does! In the process, he will discover a vast universe of new skills, wisdom and insights. He will form a new relationship with himself, his estranged wife, his child and future individuals who will come into his life either for good or evil. Who he is now is not who he will be in the very near future.How about you? Where are you now at this very moment?


Are you locked into a situation that you passionately desire to leap out of and enter a new universe of existence? The world that you are in now is beginning to collide with a New World, which will create a whole new world. That is the way of life and creation. The world that you came from is different than the world that you exist in right now. You may reminisce and think about the magnificent worlds of the past. But, those worlds have led you to where you are now. Are you ready and willing to enter a whole new world that is beyond your present comprehension and knowing?


Are you ready to leap into the unknown? Scary isn't it? But it is absolutely essential!

"Sizzling Relationships: "the 401(k) of Love"


It is hard to believe that millions of people get married every single day and very few have learned the fundamentals of marriage. It is common truth that you cannot master anything until you learn the basic fundamentals. Yet, our culture does not coach people on how to successfully navigate the mysterious waters of fulfilling, ecstatic relationships. Such matters are left to chance.


"Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love" is the definitive manual that takes the guesswork out of building and maintaining a sizzling marriage by providing very powerful and specific guidelines for its achievement. Make these marriage fundamentals the foundation of your relationship and take your relationship to new heights of ecstasy and intimacy. Now available as an E-book. For more info, click here ...

E-Books are now available!


"Coping with the Disorder"

"Coping With The Disorder" is a step-by-step guide on how to deal with and address personality disordered behavior, whether in yourself or others. Based on years of Dr. Hannig's expertise, it is an excellent, to-the-point manuscript filled with knowledge, techniques and powerful strategies. Narcissistic, Borderline, Obsessive Love, Paranoid Personality Disorder and more are covered in this remarkable volume.


No matter what disorder you are dealing with, this new manual will give you the techniques on how to heal yourself and/or deal with others that need help. Please don't miss out on this one! Now available as an E-book. For more info, click here ...

"Feel Great": A Revolutionary CD Program to Reduce Stress, Negativity and Anxiety!

"Feel Great" is the ultimate program for eliminating stress, anxiety and negativity from your mind, body and relationships. In just thirty minutes, you will feel relaxed, de-stressed, more positive and able to relate from a more focused core center ... a truly remarkable "personal time out" from the stresses of daily living. Soothing suggestions combined with healing music, this relaxation program calms mental, emotional and physical stress and pain at the deepest levels. Suggestions are audible, not subliminal, and can be used for thirty or sixty minutes. For more info, click here ...


FREE copy of "Feel Great" with ANY order! We are so convinced of the benefits that this CD program provides that we will send you one with any order of any amount. Once you use it, you will want to continue with it everyday ... whether in the morning, after work, or before bedtime. Take advantage of this special offer! Just specify upon check out or email me directly at and I will ship it free of charge. Order today!

NEW Videos at


"Deep Feeling Therapy: Healing Emotional Pain"  

Am amazing introduction and guide to Deep Feeling Therapy is now at  Featured on Strange Universe, this video explores the benefits of the deep feeling process and demonstrates, under my guidance, an actual feeling session in my office. It's incredible and powerful video that will answer many of your questions about Deep Feeling Therapy and bring you up close to the process. Click here to see the video ...


"Managing your Anger: Just Don't Dump It ... Work It Out!"

Angry ... frustrated? Don't dump your anger on those around you when you can work it effectively in a therapy session. Watch my colleague, during my guest appearance on the Marilu Henner Show, as she demonstrates the most productive way to work and resolve anger. Click here to see the video ...


Need Help? Want More Information?


Telephone Therapy and Life Coaching are highly successful therapies.

With Telephone Therapy, there's no need to go beyond the comfort, convenience, and privacy of your home. Establish goals, eliminate roadblocks, and actualize your potential to achieve what you want with Life Coaching. Remember, success is a state of mind and a way of being. One phone call is all it takes to get started. Click here for more info ...

Explore PsychotherapyHELP. Download free articles, gather in-depth information, and email me with your questions. Click here to go to PsychotherapyHELP ...

Want to read some of the past issues of PsychotherapyHELP Newsletter? Click here ...

Learn more about Mood and Personality Disorders ...


Expert Author on and


I am now an Expert Author with EzineArticles and Please click on the link below to read my articles on Ezine. Feel free to share them. They could make a difference to someone you know.  Click here for EzineArticles ...


Visit my web page on by clicking here ...


Questions? Have a problem or subject that you would like me to address? Then, contact me directly at Since it is difficult during therapy and coaching hours to answer questions by telephone, email works out best. So, I hope to hear from you soon ...


Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.