PsychotherapyHELP NEWS

by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC


NEW!  Deep Feeling Therapy Video - preview here


COUPLES SEPARATION: the Great "In Between" Stage

Should we separate or should we try to get back together again!? That is the question. Have you ever been or are you in that great "in between" stage in your significant relationship? So, asking that question, should you separate or should you try to get back together again?

It's a time of great conflict, turmoil, anxiety and depression. Worlds are falling apart. There is anger, hurt and back and forth accusations about who is right and who was wrong, who is the innocent victim and who is the guilty party.

The bond of love has been broken. Should the separation be completed or should reconciliation be attempted and possibly accomplished? These are huge questions and dilemmas.


My job as a therapist is to recognize and assess both the separation anxieties and the coming back together fears and trust issues.

Healing goes both ways..... separating or coming back together again. Look up the word, "Together." Break it down into parts.... To.... Get.... Her. They can mean several things; either to get back together or to seek revenge and retaliation.

"To..... Get.... Her." Same words, different meanings and actions. What are the motives, intentions and hidden agendas of warring couples who once fell madly in love with one another and now are on the brink of dissolution?

The great in between stage is something that I, as a therapist/counselor/coach, have to constantly monitor the sliding back and forward of dismayed and warring couples. Do these once great lovers need to be completely separated or reunited for the well-being of each other and their offspring? The dance of separation and dissolution is usually mixed with the desire to come back together and seek a new bond of reconciliation, forgiveness, trust and love.

Is it possible? The answer goes both ways. Separation and divorce may be the only answer for each person's personal evolution and growth. Reconciliation and coming back together again and falling deeply in love again is possible with the help of a Dr. Paul. I have seen it go successfully both ways. Through intensive therapy, many couples have been able to unhinge themselves from the buried pains and patterns that led them to emotional and physical divorce; only to come back together to enjoy a whole new marriage and family.

Is it possible? Yes! But, it's not easy to get two warring factions clear of their own stuff and capable of reconnecting at a more real level. When it doesn't work, separation and divorce is the only plausible and reasonable alternative. When it does work, it's true art. Then again, separation and divorce can be like the creation of a new empire, a new life, a new self and a new family. Staying married in a bad relationship can be like a death sentence. A bad divorce can be also like a death sentence. But, all is not bad news. There is a cure. Dr. Paul has the cure. It's like a reconstruction of a life, a mind, a spirit. It's art and science combined together to deliver that age-old quest for soulmate union or single life contentment.

So what's the problem? The problem is when you get two warring partners together in order to reach a reasonable solution to their problems; guess what they do. They fight and argue in therapy and each is looking at me to align myself and support the one who sees themself as the injured party. If I don't fall for this manipulation, I would see right away that arguing is what they have opted to use as an ineffective strategy. It is the glue of warfare that welds them together into a life of struggle.

So what's the answer? There is a lot of work to be done and skills to be learned and introduced. But, the first step is to get each partner to agree "

Not to Argue." If that's not possible, get at least one partner to agree to "Not Argue."

Let me present this possibility to you. If you could commit yourself to daily refrain from arguing with your significant love other, what effect would that have on your love life?

I am sure that your answer would be extremely positive. But let me offer one warning. The urge and the instinct to argue is extremely strong, tempting and seductive. You will need to constantly remember and reinforce your commitment to relinquishing the ineffective tool of arguing from your most profound love relationships. Not easy to do ... but possible! Commit a trial period of time where you consciously eliminate the will and desire to argue from your life and your repertoire. At the end of the trial period, assess your progress and then add a week or two to your commitment to release argumentativeness from your life. As I have said, it is not easy to do; especially if you have the internal tendency to have silent arguments in your own imagination with figures from your past.

You will need to ask yourself if you have a "Combative Personality." I know that this Combative Personality is not part of the psychiatric diagnostic manual DSM-IV. But, if you treat yourself as if you have combative tendencies, you will be in a better position to monitor this inclination when it interferes with your happiness and your partner's.

You may try this mantra to see if it helps; "Lead us not into temptation and deliver us from our own evil." You have a choice. You can choose to argue or you can choose peace (shalom). When two people in a supposedly loving relationship, choose peace it creates a garden of Eden paradise where bliss, pleasure, ecstasy and joy abounds.

Dr. Paul

PS: Place this manifesto on your refrigerator or some other conspicuous place, in order to remind you that peace leads to love and arguing leads to the graveyard.

PPS: Choose today to create greatness in your life.

NEW - Watch our "Deep Feeling Therapy" Video with Dr. Paul as produced for TV by Strange Universe!

In this interview, Dr. Paul explains Deep Feeling Therapy and explores the benefits of this phenomenal method of healing. You are transported into the private arena of one's emotional pain through a full feeling demonstration of the therapy. It's an incredible viewing ... profound, powerful, transformative and impactful. This is one of the best tutorials that Dr. Paul has created. If you've had any questions about the deep feeling method, this video will provide the answers! To view the video, click here ... 

Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love - now available as an E-book!

"Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love" is the definitive manual that takes the guesswork out of building and maintaining a sizzling relationship by providing very powerful and specific guidelines for its achievement. When was the last time you researched how to relate to your significant other, boss, child, or friend in a more productive, constructive way? That's why "Sizzling Relationships" was developed ... to teach you how to increase your capacity for intimacy, learn the basic tenets of a proactive and loving relationship, plus how to maintain and increase the "sizzle" in the one you already have. Take the plunge ... invest in yourself. Get the best time tested tools, techniques and knowledge to create the changes you want and maximize the return on your emotional investment. It's the best there is on the subject. For more info, click here ...

"Coping with the Disorder" - now available as an E-book!

"Coping With The Disorder" is a step-by-step guide on how to deal with and address personality disordered behavior, whether in yourself or others. Based on years of Dr. Hannig's expertise, it is an excellent, to-the-point manuscript filled with knowledge, techniques and powerful strategies. Plus, the e-book provides immediate delivery of Dr. Hannig's full length resources.


No matter what disorder you are dealing with, this new manual will give you the techniques on how to heal yourself and/or deal with others that need help. Please don't miss out on this one!

For more info, click here ...

"Feel Great": The Best Meditation & Relaxation Program!

"Feel Great" is the ultimate program for eliminating stress, anxiety and negativity from your mind, body and relationships. In just thirty minutes, you will feel relaxed, de-stressed, and able to relate from a more focused and positive core center ... a truly remarkable "personal time out" from the stress of day-to-day living.


Soothing and healing, this relaxation program calms mental, emotional and physical stress and pain at the deepest levels. Suggestions are audible, not subliminal, and can be used for thirty or sixty minutes. For more info, click here ...


FREE copy of "Feel Great" with ANY order! We are so convinced of the benefits of this CD program that we will send you a free CD with any order of any amount. Once you use it, you will want to continue with it everyday ... whether in the morning, after work, or before bedtime. Take advantage of this special offer! Just specify upon check out or email me directly at and I will ship it free of charge. Order today!


Telephone Therapy and Life Coaching, utilized separately or together, are highly successful, proven therapies. With Telephone Therapy, there's no need to go beyond the comfort, convenience, and privacy of your home. With Life Coaching, you'll learn to establish goals, eliminate roadblocks, and actualize your potential to achieve what you want. Remember, success is a state of mind and a way of being. One phone call is all it takes to get started. Click here for more info ...

Explore PsychotherapyHELP. Download free articles, gather in-depth information, and email me with your questions. Have you checked out my article "Reinventing Yourself"? Click here to go to PsychotherapyHELP ...

Want to read some of the past issues of PsychotherapyHELP Newsletter? Click here ...

Learn more about Mood and Personality Disorders ... free articles to download and books to purchase on Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissisitic Love Disorder, Obsessive Love Disorder, Bi-Polar Mood Disorder are available at PsychotherapyHELP. Knowledge is power, so use it to give you strength and workable strategies.

Questions? Have a problem or subject that you would like me to feature in an upcoming newsletter? (anonymously, of course) Then, contact me directly at Since it is difficult during therapy and coaching hours to answer questions by telephone, email works out best. So, keep those questions coming ...


Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.