PSYCHOTHERAPYHELP NEWS
Published
by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.
You are
receiving this newsletter because of your interest in Dr. Paul's work or
your visit to PsychotherapyHELP. Enjoy!
"I Won't Even Talk to
You!"
Have you ever had the thought that there was
someone or just some people that you do not wish to converse with?
Welcome to the Club!
If such people are in your life,
ask yourself why you do not wish to conduct a conversation with them. I have
had this experience and I can assure you that I empathize with anyone who does
not wish to have a conversation with a particular person.
One of the reasons that I feel
turned off to some people is that my last conversation with them was very
distasteful and toxic. By now, you probably understand what I am saying.
In that mode, my self
conversations consist of, "I will not talk to you, because it is a waste
of time. I pick up a mean, hostile spirit in you and it turns me off."
What makes up a great
conversation?
Great conversationalists are those people with whom I feel a warm connection
and a sense of clarity about their thinking. Obviously, an emotional
disposition - such as feeling the connection deepen as your
conversation grows - plays a major role in the type of conversations that
are attractive.
However, an attractive person on
the outside, may be very repulsive on the inside. That person becomes
emotionally unattractive, regardless of the great looking
package.
Conversations with some
people can be extremely pleasant. With others, the conversations are
unrewarding and repulsive. I have come to the realization that I cannot
talk productively with everyone. Therefore, I have made the
decision that there are just some people that I will not converse with.
I make the decision with whom I
wish to converse.
Yes, I do have a choice. After five or 10 minutes, I can feel how the
conversation is going. The next move is up to me...
Take an Inventory:
Who are the great conversationalists
in your life? What is their emotional tone? What are the conversational
turn ons and a turnoffs for you? Pinpoint the constructive and destructive
aspects of your conversations with people and write them down. What did you
find?
Conversations are great indicators
for the possibility of forming productive relationships. If you have to struggle with
someone during a conversation, you will need to closely examine what you think
is happening. Try to avoid being judgmental, even though using proper judgment
is absolutely necessary for forming solid relationships. Make sure your
judgment is fair and accurate. If being overly critical and overly judgmental
is part of your personality, then you are the problem in conversations.
PS: remember that there are some
people, unlike yourself, who can conduct productive conversations with people
that you would never talk to. AAAHHHH! Life is so interesting and so varied.
PPS: One person's meat is another
person's poison. Let me know your thoughts and experiences in this area. I
would love to hear from you!
Resources:
For
more information on conversations check out my book "Sizzling
Relationships: the 401(k) of Love" at PsychotherapyHELP.
"Sizzling Relationships" takes the guesswork out of building and
maintaining a sizzling relationship by providing very powerful and
specific guidelines. When was the last time you researched how to
relate to your significant other, boss, child, or friend in a more
productive, constructive way? To
read an excerpt from "Sizzling Relationships", click here ...
For
information on how to deal with personality disorders, check out my book "Coping
With The Disorder".It is a step-by-step guide
on how to deal with and address personality disordered behavior, whether in
yourself or others. No matter what disorder you are dealing with, this
new manual will give you the techniques on how to heal yourself and deal
with others. To
read an excerpt from "Coping with the Disorder", click here ...
Mood and personality disorders can
be the "Love Killers" of any relationship. Knowledge about the disorder and
in-depth therapy can make a difference. To know
more about the different mood and personality disorders and how to deal
with them, click here ...
Please contact me if you need
help. That's why
my web site is called PsychotherapyHELP. From Telephone Therapy to in office
consultations, there is a therapy program designed to suit your needs. Email or
call 818-882-7404 for more information.
Warmest regards,
Dr. Paul