Published by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.
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"I Won't Even Talk to You!"
Have you ever had the thought that there was someone or just some people that you do not wish to converse with?
Welcome to the Club!
If such people are in your life, ask yourself why you do not wish to conduct a conversation with them. I have had this experience and I can assure you that I empathize with anyone who does not wish to have a conversation with a particular person.
One of the reasons that I feel turned off to some people is that my last conversation with them was very distasteful and toxic. By now, you probably understand what I am saying.
In that mode, my self conversations consist of, "I will not talk to you, because it is a waste of time. I pick up a mean, hostile spirit in you and it turns me off."
What makes up a great conversation? Great conversationalists are those people with whom I feel a warm connection and a sense of clarity about their thinking. Obviously, an emotional disposition - such as feeling the connection deepen as your conversation grows - plays a major role in the type of conversations that are attractive.
However, an attractive person on the outside, may be very repulsive on the inside. That person becomes emotionally unattractive, regardless of the great looking package.
Conversations with some people can be extremely pleasant. With others, the conversations are unrewarding and repulsive. I have come to the realization that I cannot talk productively with everyone. Therefore, I have made the decision that there are just some people that I will not converse with.
I make the decision with whom I wish to converse. Yes, I do have a choice. After five or 10 minutes, I can feel how the conversation is going. The next move is up to me...
Take an Inventory:
Who are the great conversationalists in your life? What is their emotional tone? What are the conversational turn ons and a turnoffs for you? Pinpoint the constructive and destructive aspects of your conversations with people and write them down. What did you find?
Conversations are great indicators for the possibility of forming productive relationships. If you have to struggle with someone during a conversation, you will need to closely examine what you think is happening. Try to avoid being judgmental, even though using proper judgment is absolutely necessary for forming solid relationships. Make sure your judgment is fair and accurate. If being overly critical and overly judgmental is part of your personality, then you are the problem in conversations.
PS: remember that there are some people, unlike yourself, who can conduct productive conversations with people that you would never talk to. AAAHHHH! Life is so interesting and so varied.
PPS: One person's meat is another person's poison. Let me know your thoughts and experiences in this area. I would love to hear from you!
For more information on conversations check out my book "Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love" at PsychotherapyHELP. "Sizzling Relationships" takes the guesswork out of building and maintaining a sizzling relationship by providing very powerful and specific guidelines. When was the last time you researched how to relate to your significant other, boss, child, or friend in a more productive, constructive way? To read an excerpt from "Sizzling Relationships", click here ...
For information on how to deal with personality disorders, check out my book "Coping With The Disorder".It is a step-by-step guide on how to deal with and address personality disordered behavior, whether in yourself or others. No matter what disorder you are dealing with, this new manual will give you the techniques on how to heal yourself and deal with others. To read an excerpt from "Coping with the Disorder", click here ...
Mood and personality disorders can be the "Love Killers" of any relationship. Knowledge about the disorder and in-depth therapy can make a difference. To know more about the different mood and personality disorders and how to deal with them, click here ...
Please contact me if you need help. That's why my web site is called PsychotherapyHELP. From Telephone Therapy to in office consultations, there is a therapy program designed to suit your needs. Email or call 818-882-7404 for more information.