Published by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.


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For every unkind word that comes out of your mouth, it takes 10 to a hundred positive statements to correct the injury.  An undisciplined mouth is like a dagger to the heart and soul.  In male/female relationships, pre-marriage and marriage, the effects of negative criticism can be devastating.  They can only be corrected and overcome by 100 praises.


How many times have you praised and complemented your partner today?  How many times have you affirmed the value and worth of the soul of your mate and your children.  It is so easy to be seduced by negative qualities, that one begins to believe that those negative qualities represent the entire person.  Everyone has faults and no one is perfect; especially you and myself.  But the soul of your partner has been placed in your keeping.  Are you protecting yourself and your partner from your self and an undisciplined mouth?


The roots of many individual and couple'sproblems lies in family background and traits that were never successful and effective.  To remove those negative effects from your life, will provide a clear path for family ecstasy.  If you have not rid yourself of the bummers of the past, you will inflict them on your partner; who then becomes a victim of the victim.


Don't ever buy into victimology or someone else's guilt slinging/guilt trips.  Recognize when someone is trying to force their guilt onto you.  Please refrain from shoving your guilt down someone else's throat.  One of the most destructive games that people play with one another is the competition over who will win the victim position.


Experiment with your behavior.  If something isn't working, change your behavior.  Learn how to negotiate change and commit yourself to being an expert problem solver.


In every time and every life there is a season.  There is a time to get rid of certain things and people in your life.  There is a time to move on, up and out.  You can always do better.  There have been people in my life that I had to get rid of and I am very glad that I got them out of my life.  You can make all of the excuses and reasons for keeping someone in your life that for all purposes serves nothing up by trouble.  But, that's a decision that you make and it may work against your happiness and quality of life.  Do you deserve better?


This is a new season.  It's time to move on.  It's a time of great change.  If you don't take care of yourself, who will?  Family loyalty is an absolute must!  But, sometimes a disease has to be cut out, in order to save the whole organism.


Have you ever heard the phrase, "But, I love him/her."  Love is never enough to overcome self-defeating and destructive interpersonal relationships.  Love must be combined with wisdom, knowledge, skill, understanding, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, boundary setting and boundary respect.  You cannot change anything unless you acknowledge and know what's wrong and not working effectively.


Have you ever heard the phrase, "I stay because of the children?"  This is martyrdom.... not marriage or relationship bliss.  Your children will not want the burden put upon them, that you stayed in an unhappy relationship because of them.  What they truly want is for you and your partner to resolve and solve your conflicts and come back together and be a loving couple.  That's what they really want and need.  Otherwise, they will grow up and use the same useless martyrdom strategy that you role modeled for them.  You will need to show them how to love in a deep committed relationship.


To be continued...


Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.
P.S. -- coming soon: Dating, mate hunting, courting, mate selection criteria, what to look for, when to get in and out of a relationship and the pain and recovery from relationships.

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