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PSYCHOTHERAPYHELP NEWS by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.
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Conversational Partners: 2nd in a Series
"Let's Talk" ... how many times has a simple
conversation gone awry, making you wonder what happened?! Take heart. Let's
look at how to take control back of a conversation ...
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THE CHOICE IS YOURS ...
In every conversational opportunity, you are faced with the
choice of how and who you wish to conduct a productive and effective
conversation. Making this choice is extremely important, for it will determine
your ultimate emotional experience during and at the conclusion of the
conversation.. I recommend that you do not have to feel obligated to conduct a
conversation with a person that you deem unsuitable and unfit for a productive
conversation. There are exceptions, especially in business and personal
interactions. But, you must reserve the right to take control of the situation
by responsibly choosing whether you wish to engage this other person as a
conversational partner.
In may be reasonable to assume, that after an initial conversation,
you will be left with the choice as to whether to have additional
conversations. Effective conversations take place between people who are on the
same wavelength. Every conversational partner has an agenda, whether announced
or hidden. You and your conversational partner will try to impact and influence
the behavior of one another.
Forceful conversationalists may convince you to accept their
point of view and satisfy their hidden agenda and motives. You will know how
you will feel after the conversation, how you did in that interaction. If you
feel good, your needs were met. If the other person feels good, he or she will
feel gratification.
If the conversations are tilted, power oriented or
destructive, somebody's going to get hurt. Someone will have to make the
decision whether they will engage in such future conversational partner
interactions. Remember, you are not obligated outside of your guilt, to engage
in any conversation with a partner or person that proves to be toxic to you or
the other person. Toxic conversations are a fact and we will reserve that for a
future section!
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Nice Person Guilt
Just about everyone wants to see them self as a good person.
Consequently, to refuse to converse with a particular person may make you feel
guilty. After all, your ego wants to be experienced as a good person. However,
here comes the "But!" You don't have to be a sucker. Being a target
for someone else's negativity doesn't make you a good person in their eyes,
especially if they dump on you the judgment and evaluation that you are truly,
"Bad." Your guilt may come from your uneasy feelings of being a
"rejector."
There are no perfect decisions for engaging conversational
partners. But, you will have to do what is best for you. You can choose to not
be a victim to someone else's verbal assaults.
In conclusion: Remember ... you have a choice of who will be
your conversational partner!
If you don't know how to disengage from toxic conversations,
Dr. Paul can teach you how!
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"SIZZLING RELATIONSHIPS - THE 401(K) OF LOVE"
We spend more time researching our investments than developing
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It's true ... when did you last research how to relate to
your significant other, boss, child, or friend in a more productive,
constructive way? That's why "Sizzling Relationships" was developed
... to teach you how to increase your capacity for intimacy, learn the basic
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For more info or to buy "Sizzling Relationships",
go to www.nvo.com/psych_help
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Warmest regards always,
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC
PsychotherapyHELP - www.nvo.com/psych_help
email: phannigphd@socal.rr.com
voice: 818.882.7404