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DR. PAUL'S PSYCHOTHERAPYHELP NEWS

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"Start with the Basics"  --  January 2005

 

Welcome to another edition of PsychotherapyHELP News! In this newsletter, I will focus on a few basic skills to increase your emotional currency for the new year: decreasing stress, managing reactivity and building emotional currency. Achieve these goals and you're guaranteed a bigger emotional paycheck in 2005.

 

IN THIS ISSUE

From Dr. Paul ...

Stress and Distress

Defusing Arguments and Yourself

Building Emotional Currency

Great New CD Program: "Instant Relief"

Announcements and Resource Links

 

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FROM DR. PAUL ...

 

Ah, the New Year. It brings promise ... the hope of starting anew - future success? -

- a new job, home, bigger paycheck? Sounds good ...

 

But are you planning for an increase - a bigger paycheck - in your emotional currency? Emotional currency is the core fossil fuel that nurtures you and your relationships. High emotional currency is like a good performing mutual fund: continuous growth in intimacy skills, stable gains in relationship interest, and it works for you over the long haul. You feel good about your self "worth" and your performance is stellar.

 

A deficit in emotional currency works against you: no gains in relationship interest, a loss in intimacy skills, and performance is at a stand still. The future performance of your emotional fund looks bleak, unproductive, and uncertain.

Building emotional currency guarantees success and requires focusing on the basics: decreasing stress, controling reactivity and increasing your  intimacy skills.

So, let's start with the "Basics" and build a five-star emotional portfolio for 2005!

 

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STRESS AND DISTRESS

 

Stress is self-imposed in one way or another. You create your life and your life is created by what is inside of you and the choices that you make. You are responsible for every thought and feeling that you have. No one else creates your life, nor is anyone else responsible for your thoughts, feelings and choices.

 

However you choose to create stress, you can choose to transform it. Positive stress is based on true creativity rather than compulsive anxiety. Positive stress requires taking care of your self emotionally, spiritual, cognitively, and interpersonally. Negative stress creates distress – anxiety and suffering - and is driven by repressive defenses aimed at keeping you from discovering your real self. Workaholism, a prime example of negative stress, is a disorder based on “busy making” as a means of escaping from your own denied, buried emotions.

 

To read the rest of "Stress and Distress", go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/relationshipprogram/Mofile=services&UID=93MM

 

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DEFUSING ARGUMENTATIVE PEOPLE AND YOURSELF

 

It does not have to take years of psychotherapy to get you to handle provocative, defiant, argumentative people. You do not necessarily have to explore your unresolved childhood traumas. The trick is to learn how to control those rising, hot, angry reactions ... to change your feelings early so that you do not go out of control and make the situation worse. It is best to de-escalate the tension rather than heat it up by doing something that you will be sorry for later.

 

The first step to defusing that upsurge of angry energy is to realize that it is possible to be provoked into an argumentative situation at any given moment. Defiant, argumentative people do not really want to hear, listen or receive what you have to say. They are poised and ready to spring into defiance and disagreeableness.  They are set to discount any, if not all, of your perceptions, thoughts or feelings. They are rejectors and life with them is usually punctuated with unpleasantness, fights and yes, even violence.  These are the people that you just want to punch and throw through a wall.  Real closeness and intimacy with them is virtually next to impossible.

 

To read the rest of the article, go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/relationshipprogram/Mofile=services&UID=93MM

 

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BUILDING EMOTIONAL CURRENCY

 

The truth is you can have the most ecstatic personal relationship, just by following some basic fundamentals.

 

Intimate relationships depend on extended time spent nurturing, caring and loving one another. Everybody Wants to Win and Be a Winner. Nobody wants to lose and accumulate losses. As in business, sports and other activities, marriage follows the same rule; Everybody Wants to Win. Sometimes it is very difficult discovering effective strategies for many areas of life. But, a weekly commitment to scheduling in an Uninterrupted Attention program is a sure winner. Your relationship has to be your No. 1 priority. Don't squeeze it in between your other activities! It is the centerfold around which all of your other activities must revolve. Your partner and your relationship must come first, otherwise you and your partner will deplete the Love Fund and kill the relationship. I tell you this, because it is easy and very common to turn a Love Fund into a Hate Fund. If you do not believe me, then check with all of those once loving couples, who now hate each other.

 

Go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/nss-folder/articles/ to read "Touch and Affection"... For more information on "Sizzling Relationships", go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/relationshipprogram/Mofile=services&UID=93MM

 

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INCREDIBLE NEW CD PROGRAM - "INSTANT RELIEF"

 

Eliminate tension and anxiety in just eight minutes!

 

Close your eyes and let Dr. Hannig's voice change how you feel. Instantly, melt tension, anxiety, anger, fear, or any other negative emotions that you're experiencing at the moment.

 

This breakthrough CD program contains two inductions: one for at home use and one for use in the car while you are driving. Take eight minutes out of your lunchtime and feel absolutely great at work! Why drive feeling frustrated, stressed, and negative when you can arrive at your destination feeling fabulously relaxed and positive.

 

For more information, go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/item.nhtml?profile=services&UID=93MM

 

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ANNOUNCEMENTS AND RESOURCE LINKS

 

Learn more about the many different therapy models at PsychotherapyHELP.com at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/door/

 

Learn more about Mood, Anxiety, and Personality Disorders at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/mood1anxiety1personalitydisorders/

 

Don't forget to explore our valuable "Resource Web Links" at PsychotherapyHELP at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/mood1anxiety1personalitydisorders/

 

NEW - Two Day United Kingdom Conference on Borderline Personality Disorder - Feb. 24 & 25. Go to http://www.bpdworld.org/ for more information.

 

Go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/newsletterstodownload/ for past issues of  PsychotherapyHELP News ...

 

Need answers? Suffering from a Personality Disorder or involved with someone who has one? Then check out Dr. Paul's acclaimed manual, "Coping with the Disorder" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/Mpprogram/Mofile=services&UID=93MM

 

For more information on Deep Feeling Emotional Release Therapy, go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/feelingtherapy/

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Best Regards,

Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC