in this issue
Don't you just love it?! Let's talk about you... and you as a couple. Matters of the Heart ... And I don't mean cholesterol levels, arteries and blood pressure.
I'm talking about why and how you select a mate!
THE LOVE PROGRAM
No matter which way you look at it, finding a partner in the dance of life is certainly a great challenge ... sometimes mixed with great ecstasy and at other times, you would think that you married or at least involved yourself with the Antichrist.
What happens when you and/or your partner (or your partner to be) create Barriers to Intimacy?! Isn't it frustrating to have your need to love and be loved blocked and dislodged by unconscious defenses and resistances ... Especially your own?
At whatever level of your love journey that you find yourself, you might be engaged in the process of moving from your peripheral levels of consciousness to the deepest reaches of your mind/heart/soul. Working with me certainly opens you and your potential/real partner to your conscious and unconscious worlds ...
If you are going to work with me, you'll get an enormous opportunity to deeply explore yourself (No innuendos, please) and yourself as a bonding couple....
It is here that you will discover your real needs, the real needs of your partner and how to go about reaching mutual reciprocal fulfillment. It is here that your longings, illusions and disappointments will be uncovered, as well as your triumphs and effective strategies. It is here that you will learn how you and your partner come together from vastly different family systems and attempt to mold those two systems into a perfectly new and workable relationship.
It is also here that you will learn the difference between real, appropriate need fulfillment as compared to the struggle to get neurotic, unreal needs met.
(Ask me about the use of the GENOGRAM for premarital screening and family systems exploration)
You'll also learn the various stages and levels that you are currently engaged in with yourself and your partner ... you'll also learn how to negotiate getting through the various stages and moving on and up the ladder to greater intimacy. I will also make you aware of you and your partner's personal and universal themes ... Not to mention your mutual quest for entering into a strong sense of identity, while expressing your sexuality as you seek and find sexual fulfillment in a safe, honest and faithful relationship.
In todays world, many lovers come together from different cultural backgrounds. If cultural issues are not worked out, blights, doubts and holes could exist in your relationship. Given today's conditions, the concept of culture has to be redefined and expanded beyond its traditional definitions. (Did you know that the very experience you receive in therapy may actually constitute a subculture orientation and mentality?) Your therapist's multicultural training as well as his or her's philosophical, practical and theoretical orientation can influence your ever evolving cultural view.
Let me help you resolve your own cultural issues, your partner's and how your diverse cultural backgrounds impact your relationship.
Assignment: How are you and your culturally different partner resolving your diverse cultural backgrounds? Are you even discussing it? Or has sex and passion gotten in the way? You will have to address your cultural differences, sooner or later. What are the different attitudes, beliefs and feelings of your family of origin towards your diverse backgrounds? Did you know that there are cultural differences within specifically defined cultures? Do cultural differences cross over financial, neighborhood, professional and class lines?
How do your cultural differences impact upon you and your partner through gender, expectations, power and parenting ideals?
You and your partner deserve and may even require an opportunity to work in depth on yourself and the relationship. In working with me, I can explore with you the various theoretical, practical and effective strategies that I employ. One thing's for sure, I will provide you with growth facilitating, tailormade interventions and strategies to meet your needs, as an individual ... and as a couple ... while recognizing that you are engaged in a dynamic changing situation.
THE BENEFITS OF A MULTILEVEL THERAPY
A multilevel therapy opens up spaces within yourself, your partner and the relationship. This type of therapy provides you with the willingness and the skills to engage in multilevel, empathic, constructive listening and exquisite fine tuning to the needs of your relationship. The elimination of the fear to deep commitment permits each of you to regulate your internal distress, while you gain emotional maturity. This gives you the opportunity to Know and Appreciate Self and Other.
Current relationship demands require extraordinary skills for developing intimacy with mutually empowering bonds that allow you to sustain a happy and fulfilling relationship over a lifetime.
As an assignment, see if you can recognize distinct symptoms and patterns in yourself, your partner and your relationship. After you have done that, try to trace the symptoms and patterns to the bottom line (heart) of your issues. Can you recognize the defenses that keep intimacy in your relationship at bay? Do you notice certain defenses that justify maintaining the status quo, sooth past insecurities and that unconsciously mask trauma, misattunement and neglect? ... How do you and your partner block each other from gaining full access to your real selves?
Mutually acknowledge what you do that is right and constructive in your relationship.
Are you keeping your love reservoirs filled to overflowing?
Until the next time ...
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC - PsychotherapyHELP - www.nvo.com/psych_help
10170-4 Larwin Avenue, Chatsworth,