PSYCHOTHERAPYHELP NEWS

 

"Harried and Soon Divorced: Resurrecting a Dream Marriage"

 

IN THIS ISSUE

Feature Story: A Cry for Help

First: Relax & Calm Down

Second: Unilateral Decisions

Third: Time is Precious

Fourth: Manage Money

Fifth: Work on Yourself

Sixth: Don't Wait 'Til It's Too Late!

 

 

Greetings

 

I would like to thank you for sharing your personal stories with me. I would like to feature one today, as it shows the pain and anguish of a young lady whose marriage "love fund" has been depleted and she's crying out for help. In this newsletter, I provide strategies to build and protect your relationship bank account.

Please continue to contact me and share your stories. My best wishes for happiness, growth, and change ... Dr. Paul

 

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PERSONAL STORY: A Cry for Help

 

"I am going out of my mind. I have two small children and my husband, behind my back, went out and bought a very expensive car. We are hardly making our monthly expenses and he goes out and does something like that. Is he stupid, or what? I am furious. I am on the verge of divorcing him. All he ever thinks about is his business. When he comes home, he spends all of this time on the computer, doing business. He hardly spends any time with me and the kids. His business fluctuates and he spends a lot of time away from the family, trying to drum up business. What should I do? My dream marriage is going down the drain. Can you help?"

 

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FIRST: Relax and Calm Down

 

This is no time to get panicky. This is a time for you to get centered and resolved to take charge and get control of your life. You are out of control because of poor time management, communications and lack of knowledge for what makes up an ecstatic relationship. The two of you fell in love in the beginning of your relationship because you spent a lot of time together. When you move in as a married couple, it requires a huge adjustment from the carefree extensive time-sharing of your single days. The secret to a sizzling marriage is to continue doing those things that made you fall in love at the very beginning. So you will have to rearrange your time management, so that everyone gets their needs met.

 

Read Dr. Paul's article "Touch and Affection" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/nss-folder/articles/Touch%20and%20Affection.htm

 

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SECOND: No Unilateral Decisions

 

Unilateral decisions are okay when you are single. But, when you are married, they can become a disaster. Your husband made a unilateral decision to buy an expensive car without discussing it and negotiating with you. There can be no unpleasant surprises in an ecstatic relationship, unless those surprises meet the needs of both partners. You'll need to sit down with your husband and discuss the need to have mutually satisfying decisions, that are fully discussed and enthusiastically agreed upon. It seems as if you don't know what he is thinking and he does not know what you are thinking. The right-hand does not know what the left-hand is doing; until it's too late! Effective partners let each other know what they are thinking so that there are no secrets or unilateral decisions that violate the needs of the other.

 

Read Dr. Paul's article "Married People, Unmarried Minds" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/marriedpeopleunmarriedminds/

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THIRD: Time is Precious

 

You will need to sit down with your husband and devise a plan for better time management. You are complaining that he does not give you enough time. He doesn't give you the time and attention that you need, because you let him get away with it. He does exactly what you taught him to do. If you want control of your life, you will need to take a strong stand for your need for time to be with him. Everybody gets the same amount of time every day. Successful people manage control of those events that are governed by time. You want time with him. Sit down and negotiate an effective strategy to get your time needs met. Otherwise, you will continue to complain and feel deprived. If you don't do something now, your marriage will slip into the hopper. You gave each other enough time at the beginning of your relationship in order to fall in love. There are no real excuses or justifications for letting that part of your life slip away.

 

Read Dr. Paul's article, "Time Bandits" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/dealingwithtimebandits/

 

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FOURTH: Manage Your Money

 

If you do not a have a plan for managing your money, you will slip below the line. Poor financial management creates problems and it isn't necessary. Your family is like a corporation, a small-business. If you don't manage your finances, you'll go bankrupt. What is your husband's financial history? Did you know how he handled money before you married him? How did you manage your own finances before you tied the knot? You are in your present situation because of what both of you brought with you into the marriage. It's time to change, otherwise you will be digging the same hole over and over again. You need to take charge. If he can't run the finances, somebody has to get smart. How do you go about saving money and living below your expenses? Does he have a history of impulse buying? You'll need to discuss with him the necessity for removing what you do not want from the relationship. Destructive behavior and ineffective strategies will kill your marriage. Unilateral impulse spending must be taken out of your life. In its place, you should Institute a well-organized plan for communication, spending and saving. Ecstatic marriages plan for success. Poor planning leads to divorce.

 

Check out Mary Hunt's website, "The Cheapskate Monthly" at www.cheapskatemonthly.com

 

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FIFTH: Working on Yourself

 

Do you have a strategy, a time segment and an approach for working on yourself? If you do not work on yourself with this matter, you'll keep your husband in the dog house. Do you want him to be the "Bad" spouse and you the "victim?" By taking time to work on yourself, you clear out the toxic feelings that you have accumulated by "his" mistakes. Remember, he would not have messed up if you had known how to handle and control things. Look carefully and acknowledge your part in creating this situation. It's not all his "Fault." Anything that happens in a marriage is a "US/WE" problem and as such there is a "US/WE" solution.

 

Read Dr. Paul's article, "Reinventing Yourself" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/reinventyourself1/

 

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SIXTH: Don't Wait Until It's Too LATE!

 

I get a lot of e-mail from people inquiring about relationships that are plagued by anger/rage, obsessions, personality disorders, etc. It is very difficult to adequately answer so many cries for help through e-mail messages. If you're truly serious about changing your life, please go to my web site, PsychotherapyHELP, and browse to your heart's content. There are tons of FREE materials there just volunteering to give you the benefits of strategies that really work.

 

Browse the FREE articles on PsychotherapyHELP at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/nss-folder/articles/

 

Don't wait until it's too late! Things will probably get worse, unless you get the knowledge and strategies that you need in order to lift you into the stratosphere of love and hope. Telephone counseling is an effective and proven method for changing your life.... no matter what the circumstances are or the challenges that face you.

 

For more information on Telephone Therapy and how to get started go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/telephonetherapy/

 

Like most people, when love becomes a dilemma, there are definite solutions and you might find them in the groundbreaking book, "Sizzling Relationships/Ecstatic Marriages." But, if you are comfortably uncomfortable in the status quo, don't change anything!

Learning new things that can really help you is a great idea and constitutes a win-win situation. Repairing and rebuilding your love connections is ALWAYS a plus ... whether you are seeking, starting or engaging in a long-term relationship.

 

For more information about my Love Program and how to order"Sizzling Relationships" go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/relationshipprogram/

 

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QUICK LINKS

 

Learn more about the many different therapy models at PsychotherapyHELP.com at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/door/

 

For past issues of  PsychotherapyHELP News go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/newsletterstodownload/

 

Learn more about Mood, Anxiety, and Personality Disorders at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/mood1anxiety1personalitydisorders/

 

For more information on Deep Feeling Emotional Release Therapy go to http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/feelingtherapy/

 

"Managing Stress and Anxiety" audiotape is the most incredible relaxation and de-stress tape available. Click here for more info ... http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/item.nhtml?profile=services&UID=49

 

Need answers? Check out Dr. Paul's manual, "Coping with the Disorder" at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/item.nhtml?profile=services&UID=60

 

For more information and various resources on deep feeling primal therapy, workshops and communities, contact the International Primal Association at http://www.primals.org/

 

Don't forget to explore our valuable "Resource Web Links" at PsychotherapyHELP at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/usefullinks/

 

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