by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D., MFCC
Dear Readers: This newsletter is dedicated to all of you who hunger, seek and desire real personal happiness and professional success in your lives. I call this the desire for Maximum Success. Each issue of "Success to the MAX" Newsletter will include an innovative assignment that corresponds to one of my featured articles. Read the assignment and follow the instructions … work with it … learn from it … and, most of all, use the information and insights to achieve higher levels of personal and professional greatness.
Have you ever noticed that when you're feeling good about yourself, you just can't seem to lose? And, have you ever noticed that when you're down - physically or emotionally - or in a rut, you just can't seem to win?
Okay, you have learned to think positive. Your reading, writing, goal setting, visualizations, win/wins, affirmations, etc. are in force and up to date. Everything seems to be in place but something is happening. You feel yourself slipping! Fatigue sets in, your mind goes fuzzy and your speech lacks power. Doubt and impatience fills your mind. The inevitable has happened. You have slipped into the negative. Nothing seems to work. What do you do?
Ask yourself this question: "What plan or system do I have to coerce myself out of that occasional negative attitude and back into a positive one?" When I'm in a slump, I find it helpful to review the basics. Here are some suggestions to help you do that.
1. For Your Mind:
Knowledge is power. Check out success related authors who will help educate and fortify your mind and direction. However, if you're tired of reading motivational material, take a break and pick something out that is good reading for the heart and soul. Go back to reading your original materials when you're ready.
"Go to Workshops and Seminars"
Yes, sometimes it's easier to get fired up and motivated within an interactive learning environment. Share ideas and try new approaches.
2. For Your Business:
"Learn How to Listen"
Really listen to what others have to say. Listen with your ears, but also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and your heart. Listen for feeling and for meaning. Listen for behavior. Use your right brain as well as your left. So, listen more than you talk … sense, intuit, and feel.
Dedicate a consistent number of hours to pursuing your goals every day/week. Take control of your life and stick to it. Don't let distractions keep you from achieving those goals.
Ideas are a dime a dozen. Success goes to the person who acts on his or her ideas.
"Treat Others with Respect"
"Do Unto Others as You would have them Do Unto You". This is a great phrase. Its meaning still holds true today. Your actions and words have impact and are remembered. They can come back to haunt you.
Be aware of how you relate to others. Be careful of sexual overtones or negative attitudes in your business relationships. Respect the boundaries of others.
"Think Positive & Act Positive"
Like attracts like. The way that you think attracts the same type of friends, relationships, job, problems, and opportunities. Become involved with situations and people that vibrate in harmony with your own dominant thoughts and feelings. Your whole world is of your own making. Get clear about what you want and with whom you want to be associated, and you'll draw them into your life like a magnet. Happy people attract other happy, pleasant people.
"Develop a Prosperity Consciousness"
Prosperity consciousness attracts money making ideas and opportunities. It also allows the opportunity for emotional change to take place. Optimism and enthusiasm depends upon rigorous mental mastery. Keep your thoughts on what you want and refuse to dwell on what you don't want. For example, "I don't want that kind of wife, I want this kind" ... "I want millions" ... "15 clients, 2-4 jobs", etc.
"Shape Up Your Success Image"
Dan Kennedy, author of "The Ultimate Marketing Plan" and business guru, claims he sells more tapes and programs at his seminars when he wears a dark suit. So, assess your image. Let all of you - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, skill-wise, and image - be in top shape.
"If You Can't Get What You Want, Move On"
Watch your stress and reactivity levels. Life has its ups and down. Don't dwell on what you cannot change.
3. For Your Emotions:
When you have taken care of your mind and your business and even prayer does not transform this negative state, there is only one thing to do - get back to emotional basics. It's time to use the deep feeling method in order to release the pain of negativity.
That's right! You need to go deep into the negativity and cry, scream and pound out the pain. When all the positive thinking in the world does not work for you, deep feeling release is the powerful and sure method to expel and exorcise the pain.
In privacy and without distractions, lie down while music is playing and breath deeply and continuously. With each exhale, bring forth sound from deep within your chest. Eventually, the negativity will surface and come pouring out in heart wrenching screams and cries. If rage surfaces, express it on a mattress and pillows with your fists or a tennis racket. If you are diligent, hit a punching bag with an aluminum baseball bat. Soon the emotional release activity will leave you feeling cleansed, purged, lightened and filled with insight and connections. You may also, possibly, get to understand the cause of the negativity.
Cheerfulness and light heartedness will follow, if you expelled enough of the negativity. Then you can go on your positive, thinking way.
Caution: the feeling method may bring up painful or distressing feelings. If it is too disturbing or you are not ready to deal with them, stop. Go on to other activities that strengthen you cognitively. Some people are not ready for the deep feeling method.
Another symptom occurs when your positive mental state starts to slip. Not only is your mood and body suffering, your brain actually closes down and goes dead. Your sub-conscious mind shuts off and all smooth flowing creative, universal intelligence goes into hiding while a negative mental attitude takes over.
When you make the responsible choice and release all of the pent up pain and negativity, the mind opens up and creative intelligence and universal ideas start to flower again. You have cured a temporary but reoccurring condition and brought your brain and your mind back to life again. Not only have you resurrected your sub-conscious intelligence, you have restored your Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). All of this has occurred because you took action and worked the negativity from the inside/out.
1. Proaction: Taking responsibility and working from the inside out establishes a new, more positive paradigm. Reactivity is negated and optimism is restored.
2. Win/Win: Everybody wins when you re-establish a healthier, clearer, more grounded self.
3. Integration: Through the deep release of pain and negativity, your emotional and mental systems become integrated and work in harmony.
4. Working on Your Self: By activating the habit of working on yourself, you produce a healed internal universe. You've changed yourself internally rather than staying focused on your circle of concern and external circumstances.
All in all, Aim For Balance - what these basic principles suggest is harmony and balance ... in behavior, attitude, spirit and, most of all, emotion.
Human language, the use of words and intonation to convey information from one person to another, is an area of concern for most people. But how many of us are curious enough to examine how the use of language affects our thinking, moods and relationships? Let's explore a proactive rather than a reactive stance to the use of language.
What we say and how we say it can determine our effectiveness in business, social and personal relations. Have you ever had ongoing contact with someone who continuously keeps steering the conversation around to themselves and completely ignores what is vital to you? Is this rejection or what?
What happens when a person's communication pattern fails to create a reciprocal social interaction? Then the conversation becomes a one way street, always leading back to that person. You don't even know it's happening until you walk away from the conversation, talking to yourself about that person. Ask yourself, did that individual's verbal style endear you to him/her? Did it pull you closer or did you feel alienated, rejected, or pushed away?
To effectively deal with others is to deeply search your soul for all vestiges of reactivity. Reactivity is like a knee jerk - an automatic, button pushing reaction that happens when you perceive disturbed communication. When you are reactive, what others say and do have the power to make you behave ineffectively! Remember, it is easy to react negatively to a communication disordered person.
Remember, as you think, you are. But thinking can be altered and changed once you have the tools to work on yourself, your thoughts and feelings. If the principle of love is firmly anchored in your heart, soul, core and mind, what people say and how it is said won't trigger your reactive language and behavior.
Let's reiterate. You are the locus of control. The only real power you have is over your own internal language. To be responsible for yourself is to recognize that you have the ability to choose how and what you think and say. To be reactive rather than proactive is to be like a leaf that blows in whatever direction external factors decide.
The self-directed person takes initiative and decides how s/he will verbally respond to a situation. The proactive person steers his/her own life and is not a victim of fate or circumstances. Other people are just doing their thing and they would do that thing whether you were around or not. That was their speaking style long before you came on the scene and they will probably communicate in the same fashion after you are gone. Your purpose in life is to know and live according to well defined conscious principles and to reflect those principles in the manner that you communicate.
Have you ever marveled at the incredible internal strength and hope certain individuals display when faced by life threatening circumstances or illness? The very threat of the loss of one's life does not depress these people. They seem to accept the traumatic challenge. How do they do it? They speak to themselves in very positive ways. This is more than positive thinking - it is aggressively challenging the very nature of self-language.
Such examples of self-talk are: "I am not going to let this get me down. Whatever I decide to do, I will live my life to the fullest and make the best of it. I know where I am going and with whom I will be."
It seems that the nature of one's very life depends on the way one speaks about it. The conscious choice to accept one's own fear and then let it slip away is utilizing the power of proactive language. If release of pain is needed, saying the right words will help the tears and cries to emerge. The very nature of deep crying and pain release cleanses the mind, one's mood and detoxifies the chemistry of distress. Deep release also provides invaluable verbal insight, wisdom and reality. This is a good adjunct to one's regimen of total self growth and healing.
A life built on the principle of positive, pro-active self-language, will constantly be challenged by life's natural adversities. It is not what happens to you that counts, it is the way you speak internally and externally about it that really determines your outlook and outcome. Your language affects the course that your life takes.
It is the use of language itself that takes us out of the throws of disease and lets us soar to the unimaginable heights. The proactive language user is constantly looking up and ahead. Illness and other set backs are viewed and spoken about as challenges and glitches that have to be dealt with. The responsive language user never gives up, even when physically challenged. S/he trusts the future and constantly, verbally renews and reinforces what s/he sees in the mind. The goal is held mentally and spoken about often in order to keep plans active and engaged.
Study language. It will make you knowledgeable and aware of how conversations are shaped, molded, and steered towards ineffectiveness or higher principles. Which way do you prefer?
1. What life challenges do you face right now? Whether physical, mental, emotional, financial, or spiritual, write them down.
2. Try to monitor your own conversations. Keep a journal of conversations and rate your effectiveness.
3. Consider an upcoming conversation with someone. What outcome do you want? How can you steer it towards an effective outcome?
4. Monitor your thinking. Catch and record any negative phrases. Is there a pattern? How can you turn your thinking into a more Positive Mental Attitude?
Are you successful? Do you harness your inner greatness? If not, why not? There are giants who walk the earth and you can be one of them. Let me show you how.
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