The Definitive Relationship Program to Getting the Marriage and Relationship you Want!

by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D.

This excerpt contains the first six directives of the manual, “Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love”. Utilizing these initial fundamentals will get you started on creating the relationship you want. There are over thirty directives in the full length article and it is available for purchase from the PsychotherapyHELP web site. Instructions are below.

FUNDAMENTAL RULE: Everyone is allotted the same 24 hours every day. Hot relationships depend on hot, extended time spent nurturing, caring and loving one another.

1. Take in house, consistent and well-maintained erotic honeymoons and vacations.

Make sure you are cheating on your children and have to hide, just like when you were dating. Eagerly look forward to those very special times when you can spend time being with each other. When you spend that special time together, give “Undivided Attention” to each other. Being too busy to spend or devote priority time to your No. 1 relationship will put other things first and eventually your No. 1 relationship will be the least or lesser priority.

Remember, if you don't create and spend enough time with your partner, your relationship will suffer and maybe even die. Passionate monogamy and sizzling relationships require a major commitment to making a priority of spending large quantities of quality, passionate time together.

I recommend that you establish a policy of dedicating 13-18 hours a week of Undivided Attention to your relationship. That means that all distractions, interruptions and deviations from this very profound commitment, must be eliminated. That includes the television, as well. Scheduling Undivided Attention can be threatened by the arrival of kids where the demands of parenthood require a shift in the allocation of undivided attention from your partner, to your children. This is a very dangerous time for Ecstatic Relationships. So, you will have to be an expert time manager, who finds and creates 13-18 hours of Uninterrupted Attention for you and your partner. If you do not recognize the importance of establishing this policy, you will inevitably activate the various love killers that threaten to destroy your Blissful Marriage. I thank the work of psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr., who so brilliantly conceptualized this very effective strategy.

2. Institute erotic, playful romantic mutual confirming telephone messages at work.

There is nothing more exciting than conducting a clandestine, secretive, sensual/sexual, and flirting telephone conversation with your partner during work hours. This exclusive, fun loving, erotic activity creates a love island in the middle of a pressured workday. It can be better than a coffee break and when established as a daily habit, it fortifies magnificent love bonds.

3. Conduct a reciprocal, opening up, ventilating, and sharing of thoughts, feelings, concerns and problems with one another every day.

Practice receptive listening skills, utilizing reflection and paraphrasing. Be empathic, sensitive and attentive. Once again, exercise reflecting back skills. Don’t forget to identify the underlying feeling in your partner’s message.

Stress can be a real love killer and no one escapes stress. Time pressure can make you very anxious. It can also trigger off undesirable behavior in yourself and your loved one. There are times when you are just too busy or overwhelmed by the pressures of work, parenting and other things that make demands on your time and energy. When you are pressured, you become overstressed and then you try to do everything to control and eliminate the stressors. This can be very disconcerting for you, your family and your partner, especially if you behave impatiently, grouchy, demanding and inconsiderate. It may be very helpful for you to announce to others that you are overstressed, overwhelmed and unable to cope. It is also a love builder, when you recognize that your partner is in a state of stress and needs relief. When you or your spouse are caught in a time pressured stressful situation, learn to recognize the cries and pleas for consideration, sensitivity and help. If you want your relationship to work, take every measure to relieve his/her's stressful pressures.

4. Establish and initiate erotic contact, fondling, touching and affectionate play in the kitchen and other parts of the house.

Store up emotional, physical, mental and sexual energy to use in your sizzling monogamous relationship. The kitchen is one of the most erotic places in a hot monogamous relationship. Many women like to have their buttocks stroked and caressed while they are puttering around the kitchen. She'll love the attention and will be forever grateful for your passionate desire. Of course, you will also derive great pleasure from this God-given, free activity. And ladies don't forget that men also love to be erotically stroked, especially in some very special places … and I don’t mean McDonalds! A good premise to remember: if you want something done to you, do it to your partner first. In other words, do unto your other as you would like to have your other do to you!

5. Make Romantic Dates.

Such as dinners, movies and other shared activities, just with each other. Consistently confirm the exclusivity of your romantic, passionate bond. Women love and crave romance. A woman's most important need is usually affection and then passionate lovemaking. A man's most important need is sexual gratification, passion and then affection. If both of you do not get these needs satisfied, you both will tend to shut down emotionally and acclimate yourselves to reduced need gratification, that may eventually lead to affairs and emotional divorce.

6. Incorporate the idea of a Sizzling Relationship, whereby you consistently maintain a passionate hot, growing love affair with your partner.

Consistently proclaim that your partner is the most beautiful and best person that you have ever known and met. We are not talking about objective reality, here. We are talking about how you subjectively experience your hot, ecstatic, passionate partner. Try this: "To me, you are the most beautiful and most incredible person that I have ever known and met." Perception is treated as reality. If you don't believe me, observe how some people treat their perceptions as if those perceptions were reality. Then again, if you perceive that your partner is the most incredible person that you have ever known and met, that's your reality. Share it!

It is also important to recognize the nature of the person who is doing the evaluating and judging. One person may judge you as doing extremely well, while another person sees you as performing miserably. Then again, there is the way that you evaluate and judge your own competency. In marriage, you and your partner are always evaluating and judging each other's competencies in certain areas of performance. If you are high on your partner's judgment list, then you are seen as being very competent in satisfying his/hers emotional needs. When your partner is seen as being very successful at recognizing and meeting your most important needs, you will place your partner very high on the competency list. The end result of such high marks on the judgment/competency list is overflowing admiration, adoration, love, and worship. It seems that we love and worship those people who give us what we need in order to keep the relationship full of love.

The definitive guide to relationships, “Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love”, is available for purchase. To purchase the manual, please go to the Best Sellers section on the PsychotherapyHELP web site at http://www.nvo.com/psych_help/services/item.nhtml?profile=services&UID=82 . For therapy information, please feel free to contact me at (818) 882-7404 or by email.

Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D., MFCC * www.nvo.com/psych_help * phannigphd@socal.rr.com * 818-882-7404