Mutually Therapeutic Relationships [MTR]
Find out the secrets of champions in marriage and other intimate relationships and solve your most important problems!
Discover the secrets of those couples who have learned how to help
each other.
Overcome obstacles and achieve agreeable solutions for maximizing mutual emotional, spiritual, mental and relationship potentials.
We are
familiar with the concepts of a helping relationship. There is the helper and
the person to be helped, a helpee. Human beings have been helping one another
for millions of years. Even the Bible in Genesis talks about helpmates. So why
as modern humans do we shy away from the concept that partners in intimate
relationships can be therapeutically helpful to each other? There has been a
taboo against relationships where one partner acts as a guide, a helper and a
therapist to the other. But, it seems to me that it is absolutely essential
that effective relationships allow for reciprocal help mating.
Have you ever come home from a very stressful day, perplexed by monumental problems and you need someone sympathetic to talk to in order to get clear about what's happening? Who, better than your partner who knows you all too well, can you ventilate to and get positive and effective feedback from? I'm not saying that you should entertain such an idea without first understanding what goes into a Mutually Therapeutic Relationship [MTR]. I am also not saying that you need an advanced degree in psychology in order to be of therapeutic benefit to your mate and other family members. In fact, most professional disciplines exert great effort to discourage such interactions. I don't blame them if those relationships become one-sided and out of balance power wise.
I am
talking about a therapeutic relationship that can potentially exist between two
equal individuals involved in intimate relationship. I have never known
intimate partners who did not wish to be available for lending help to a
beloved other. The problem that inhibits most marital relationships from
becoming mutually helpful is when one partner becomes clinically ill and the
other is faced with dealing with inevitable crisis. Even then, I believe it is
possible that when one partner is flooded with issues and problems, the other
one may become quite skilled at offering effective help.
I believe
that this process can be facilitated with the assistance of professionals who
are highly trained in the specific problems that effect current relationships.
Let me give you an example. James is plagued by personal issues at work. When
he arrives home his tensions interfere with the establishment of a tranquil
home atmosphere. He needs therapy. But, there is no psychiatrist or other
highly trained professional available at home. So, whom can he turn to? The
obvious answer is his magnificent wife, Sylvia. Fortunately, Sylvia has
acquired extensive empathic listening skills from her own therapy. Poor James
is almost afraid and embarrassed to approach his wife with his disturbed inner
state. Fortunately, they have been informed and trained in Dr. Paul's method of
[MTR].
Sylvia
senses James's discomfort and invites him into a therapeutic session of
Undivided, Uninterrupted Attention. This couple has successfully mastered
concepts and principles of providing 13 to 20 hours a week of uninterrupted
attention to each other. They fully understand the extreme importance of
providing undivided time to their relationship on a daily basis. This
therapeutic encounter will take place during one of these after dinner
Uninterrupted Attention sessions.
Let's
face it; it's hard to get onto the more pleasurable aspects of your
relationship when stressful problems plague your psyche. That's not to say that
a passionate, affectionate lovemaking session is not in and of itself
therapeutic. You'll notice that I have a very expanded view of what constitutes
therapeutic activity. But, in this example, Sylvia very easily volunteers to
allow James to ventilate his anxieties and conflicts to his beloved highly
treasured wife.
OK,
dinner is finished and all of the usual chores have been attended to. It is now
time for Sylvia and James to get down to real help mating activity. He is
sitting in his favorite chair and she postures herself in an attentive,
empathic position. He knows that she will be fully receptive to listening and
understanding his woes. As he airs out his conflicts and tensions, she
nonverbally expresses loving concern for what ails him. In his mind, she is
building up enormous points in his Love Account. He trusts her to fully hear
him and to offer him the love and support that he so desperately needs in a
world that demands so much of him. She is his garden of Eden, the soft place
where he can land and a trusted refuge from the wars that he faces every day.
She is his comfort and his security. He loves and trusts her completely and he
knows that she would never do anything to hurt him. Together, they make an
indispensable team for building relationship magic and providing a warm, safe
and loving environment for their children. He knows that he can go to her with
anything that is on his mind and in his heart. She feels the same trust and
admiration for her beautiful and wonderful husband, James.
I ask you. Is this the fertile ground for a helping relationship? Absolutely! James begins to pour his heart out and it is not long before his pain oozes to the surface with groundbreaking release and insightful discovery. Sylvia provides him with supportive and accurate feedback. They both feel received by one another. Later that evening, James goes off to his sanctuary and works more of his pain. By the end of the night, he has reached a climactic peak experience and the both of them are feeling ecstatic due to the resolution of their pain. With such clarity, the next day the two of them are extremely well prepared to meet the challenges of their daily lives. Sylvia knows that James will always be there for her and James trusts his wife to be as solid as the rock of Gibraltar. She knows that when the going is tough, James will always be there for her and will never fail her.
Well, you ask, how do I get there?