Dr. Paul

 

Mutually Therapeutic Relationships [MTR]

 

Find out the secrets of champions in marriage and other intimate relationships and solve your most important problems!

 

Discover the secrets of those couples who have learned how to help each other.

 

Overcome obstacles and achieve agreeable solutions for maximizing mutual emotional, spiritual, mental and relationship potentials.

 

We are familiar with the concepts of a helping relationship. There is the helper and the person to be helped, a helpee. Human beings have been helping one another for millions of years. Even the Bible in Genesis talks about helpmates. So why as modern humans do we shy away from the concept that partners in intimate relationships can be therapeutically helpful to each other? There has been a taboo against relationships where one partner acts as a guide, a helper and a therapist to the other. But, it seems to me that it is absolutely essential that effective relationships allow for reciprocal help mating.

 

Have you ever come home from a very stressful day, perplexed by monumental problems and you need someone sympathetic to talk to in order to get clear about what's happening? Who, better than your partner who knows you all too well, can you ventilate to and get positive and effective feedback from? I'm not saying that you should entertain such an idea without first understanding what goes into a Mutually Therapeutic Relationship [MTR]. I am also not saying that you need an advanced degree in psychology in order to be of therapeutic benefit to your mate and other family members. In fact, most professional disciplines exert great effort to discourage such interactions. I don't blame them if those relationships become one-sided and out of balance power wise.

 

I am talking about a therapeutic relationship that can potentially exist between two equal individuals involved in intimate relationship. I have never known intimate partners who did not wish to be available for lending help to a beloved other. The problem that inhibits most marital relationships from becoming mutually helpful is when one partner becomes clinically ill and the other is faced with dealing with inevitable crisis. Even then, I believe it is possible that when one partner is flooded with issues and problems, the other one may become quite skilled at offering effective help.

 

I believe that this process can be facilitated with the assistance of professionals who are highly trained in the specific problems that effect current relationships. Let me give you an example. James is plagued by personal issues at work. When he arrives home his tensions interfere with the establishment of a tranquil home atmosphere. He needs therapy. But, there is no psychiatrist or other highly trained professional available at home. So, whom can he turn to? The obvious answer is his magnificent wife, Sylvia. Fortunately, Sylvia has acquired extensive empathic listening skills from her own therapy. Poor James is almost afraid and embarrassed to approach his wife with his disturbed inner state. Fortunately, they have been informed and trained in Dr. Paul's method of [MTR].

 

Sylvia senses James's discomfort and invites him into a therapeutic session of Undivided, Uninterrupted Attention. This couple has successfully mastered concepts and principles of providing 13 to 20 hours a week of uninterrupted attention to each other. They fully understand the extreme importance of providing undivided time to their relationship on a daily basis. This therapeutic encounter will take place during one of these after dinner Uninterrupted Attention sessions.

 

Let's face it; it's hard to get onto the more pleasurable aspects of your relationship when stressful problems plague your psyche. That's not to say that a passionate, affectionate lovemaking session is not in and of itself therapeutic. You'll notice that I have a very expanded view of what constitutes therapeutic activity. But, in this example, Sylvia very easily volunteers to allow James to ventilate his anxieties and conflicts to his beloved highly treasured wife.

 

OK, dinner is finished and all of the usual chores have been attended to. It is now time for Sylvia and James to get down to real help mating activity. He is sitting in his favorite chair and she postures herself in an attentive, empathic position. He knows that she will be fully receptive to listening and understanding his woes. As he airs out his conflicts and tensions, she nonverbally expresses loving concern for what ails him. In his mind, she is building up enormous points in his Love Account. He trusts her to fully hear him and to offer him the love and support that he so desperately needs in a world that demands so much of him. She is his garden of Eden, the soft place where he can land and a trusted refuge from the wars that he faces every day. She is his comfort and his security. He loves and trusts her completely and he knows that she would never do anything to hurt him. Together, they make an indispensable team for building relationship magic and providing a warm, safe and loving environment for their children. He knows that he can go to her with anything that is on his mind and in his heart. She feels the same trust and admiration for her beautiful and wonderful husband, James.

 

I ask you. Is this the fertile ground for a helping relationship? Absolutely! James begins to pour his heart out and it is not long before his pain oozes to the surface with groundbreaking release and insightful discovery. Sylvia provides him with supportive and accurate feedback. They both feel received by one another. Later that evening, James goes off to his sanctuary and works more of his pain. By the end of the night, he has reached a climactic peak experience and the both of them are feeling ecstatic due to the resolution of their pain. With such clarity, the next day the two of them are extremely well prepared to meet the challenges of their daily lives. Sylvia knows that James will always be there for her and James trusts his wife to be as solid as the rock of Gibraltar. She knows that when the going is tough, James will always be there for her and will never fail her.

 

Well, you ask, how do I get there?

 

  1. Take care of all old business by working your primal feelings to total resolution.

 

  1. Learn everything that you can about how to build Sizzling Relationships/Ecstatic Marriages.

 

  1. Gather all of your tools, props, teachers, and mentors to start your journey.

 

  1. Learn empathic, active listening skills.

 

  1. Establish Undivided relationship time that allows for everything that has to be said to be said.

 

  1. Read Dr. Paul's Sizzling Relationships/Ecstatic Marriages in all its updated and revised forms.

 

  1. Decide that you are going to do everything that you can to get back in touch with and reclaim all of your bottom-line feelings.

 

  1. Acknowledge and list all of your most important needs.

 

  1. Commit yourself to learning and fulfilling all of your partner's most important needs.

 

  1. Actively remove everything from your relationship that is defeating and holding it back.

 

  1. Take complete and full responsibility for every aspect of yourself. Stop blaming!

 

  1. Make sure that you are a source of joy, fun, pleasure, pride and admiration for yourself and your spouse.

 

  1. Accept the reality that your personal growth never ends.

 

  1. Decide that you are going to be a therapeutic helpmate rather than a destroyer of happiness, especially your own.