These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car tape recorders around the country:

#16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

#15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

#14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

#13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

#12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

#11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

#10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift
supervisor?'

#9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

#8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

#7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

#6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

#5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

#4 'How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?'

#3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

#2 'I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'