& Don'ts of Divorce
DON'T lie to your children
with stories like "Dad is visiting relatives". Children know if you are trying
to hide something, even if the purpose is honorable.
to your children. Give them simple and straight-forward answers without
blaming the other parent.
put your children in the middle. That means don't ask them where they want to
live or who they want to live with.
explain to your children that the divorce is not their fault. This message is
best given by both parents together. Children naturally assume they are
responsible for the divorce.
use children to relay messages to the other spouse, even messages related to
visitation. Children need two parents even if the parents don't see eye to eye
or have different philosophies of child rearing. Placing children in the middle
tears those relationships causing children to withdraw or become depressed.
seek counseling for your children if they are having a difficult time
adjusting. Counseling is most effective when both parents are supportive and
interrogate your children when they return from visitation with the other
parent. Questions like "what did he feed you" or "who is mommy seeing" pressures
children to take sides. This pressure may result in depression, anger, falling
grades, and disobedience.
listen to your children as they express concerns over the divorce.
make visitation or custody arrangements directly with the children without first
consulting the other parent. If there are conflicting plans, this places the
other parent in the role of the "bad guy", having to say "no" to a child's
flexible in your parenting schedule. Schedules serve a purpose, but when they
are used as rigid structures to control access time with children, they serve as
a flash point for conflict. When that happens, children blame themselves for the
Lawyers & Legal Fees
Divorce Process & Laws
Custody & Parenting Issues
Property & Debt Division